Owen....and.....Abby?

RANT RANT RANT.

Dear Let The Right One In remake,

oh sorry, forgive me, I meant to say re-ADAPTATION. You can go choke on my half-lesbo balls, and choke on my half-lesbo dick.

Thanks,

Andrea.

I think I'd rather keep not having the internet. It keeps me from finding out shitty information.

Owen and Abby? What was Abby's name originally? Arwin? WHAT THE FUCK MATT REEVES WHAT THE FUCK.

Maybe adding Philip Seymour Hoffman into the mix will help the movie out....but I fear not.

21st Century Terrors: A Look Back at Horror in the Aughts

What’s up people—B-Sol of The Vault of Horror here, spreading the love with a guest post for WritRightWrote. When the delightful Ms. ALK asked if I might want to contribute to her growing blog, I thought, what better opportunity to roll out a new project I’ve been mulling around in my head?

With autumn of 2009 upon us, the first decade of the 21st century is at an end. And as far as I’m concerned, that means it’s time to take a stroll down memory lane and reassess the films and the trends that made the horror genre what it was in the past ten years. That’s right, folks: I feel a retrospective coming on.

Over at the Vault, I’ll soon be breaking down the decade year-by-year over the course of ten posts. But for right now, let’s introduce the whole thing right here at WRW, with a general overview of the decade of zombies, torture, remake fever, and so much more…

FOREIGN FRIGHTS

From an American standpoint, the past decade was a time of almost unprecedented exposure to horror cinema from around the world. Most likely this was due in large part to the power of the internet. But whatever the cause, it allowed us to enjoy movies from around the world easier and more commonly than ever before.

Most notably, this could be seen with the so-called J-horror and K-horror of Japan and South Korea. Some of the films were even made at the tail end of the 1990s, such as Ringu, but came to prominence in the U.S as the new decade was born.

In addition to the Asian fare, Europe played a large part in flavoring our horror palate, specifically the French, who carved out a whole sub-genre of gore flicks for themselves thanks to films like Brother of the Wolf and Inside. Spain also threw its hat into the ring with movies such as The Orphanage and [REC], which for my money may have been the single most terrifying film of the decade. Then of course, there was Sweden's sublimely beautiful contribution, Let the Right One In, which many have called the finest vampire film ever made.

THE ZOMBIE RENAISSANCE

Looking back at the ‘00s, one of the amazing things that really stand out is how the zombie movie made such a huge comeback. A staple of the late ‘70s and early ‘80s in particular, the subgenre had been out of fashion until video games like Resident Evil and House of the Dead brought it back into the forefront.

It was Paul W.S. Anderson’s cinematic Resident Evil adaptation that kicked off the movie craze in 2002. Before long, we had zombie comedies like Shaun of the Dead, Undead and Fido; remakes of old classics like Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead; and even the old master himself, George A. Romero, stepping back onto the scene with two new entries in his series, Land of the Dead and Diary of the Dead.

And who could forget Danny Boyle’s superb duo of 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, which helped popularize the concept of fast-moving zombies, and are among the most well-made horror films of all time?

THE RISE OF TORTURE PORN

Without question, the decade’s most controversial genre development has been the growth of a subgenre that has divided the fan base pretty dramatically. There are some who love and relish it, while others condemn it for either being too intense or too lazy. However you feel about it, there’s no doubt that torture porn certainly made its impact on the decade.

Early on in the aughts, movies like Captivity and Feardotcom basically set this new movement in motion. But it was specifically two monumental franchises, Saw and Hostel, which really brought it into its own. The Saw films, which gave us the figure of Jigsaw and took some inspiration from last decade’s Se7en, ventured more and more into the torture porn aesthetic with each installment. Eli Roth’s Hostel, however, was right there from the very beginning, taking the genre to places it had never been before, making even some die-hard gorehounds question if things had finally gone too far.

Nevertheless, there must be an audience for it, because it has been quite successful, and continues to be highly influential to this day. Interestingly enough, this has led to a dramatic rise in gore as compared to the 1990s, and this may in fact be the bloodiest era of horror’s history thus far.

WHEN IN DOUBT, REMAKE

In the opinion of many, the saddest development of the decade has been the dramatic increase in the number of remakes that studios are relying on to bump up their bottom lines. It seems that for many, it is far easier and safer to bank on a proven commodity or “brand”, if you will, than to take some chances and roll the dice on original material.

For this reason, we have seen an unprecedented number of genre classics redone left and right over the past few years, including the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, Black Christmas, Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Amityville Horror, etc.

However, there have been a few bright lights amongst this depressing trend, remakes such as the aforementioned Hills Have Eyes, Last House on the Left, and Dawn of the Dead, which brought something new to the table and at least made for enjoyable viewing despite the creative short-cut they represented.

* * * * * * * * *

All in all, this has truly been a decade like no other in the history of our beloved horror genre. I’ve tried to encapsulate as much as I could into this little introduction, but obviously this is just a skimming of the surface. For a more in-depth, year-by-year treatment of the decade that was, check The Vault of Horror for future installments (yes, Andrea, I’m a shameless blog whore). Thanks again to the mistress of WRW for this opportunity to officially kick-off the Vault’s newest project.

Guest post by the wonderful author Seamus Cooper

The most amazing Seamus Cooper tweeted me the other day and told me he'd write a post for me. After emailing him, he emailed this to me yesterday. I think it's fantastic. I hope to bring him back in the future for an up date, So let me shut up and let his post start. And seriously, go buy his book.

Hey, blogosphere! It’s your pal Seamus Cooper, author of the Mall of Cthulhu, and, more importantly in this case, guy who does not have finals this week! (The last time I had finals was, I believe, late in the Polk administration.)

So: no time for a horror movie this week? (Maybe you have finals or something). Why not pick up a horror comic instead? Here are some suggestions:

Atomic Robo: The Shadow From Beyond Time. (Red 5 Comics). Though Atomic Robo is a really fun and lighthearted adventure comic, this particular volume has Robo fighting a Lovecraftian horror from beyond time and space through many decades. Ol’ H.P. Lovecraft Not scary, but tons of fun. himself (as gibbering madman) makes an appearance in issue 1!

We Kill Monsters (Red 5 Comics). So what if two brothers who ran a garage ran into some kind of homicidal demon that they killed, but in killing it, one of them wound up with a big, green, muscular demon arm with big, scary claws? And then they had a whole bunch more monsters to kill? Sometimes with shovels? You’d have a kickass comic, that’s what.

North 40 (Wildstorm). This one is actually scary. We’re only 2 issues in, but so far, hoo boy this is a winner. Something very awful happens in a small desert town one night. When everyone wakes up, most of them have been horribly transformed and their town is literally hell on earth. Lots of great, creepy images.

Creepy (Dark Horse). The next issue isn’t coming out until October, but you can still find issue 1 around. If you’re not familiar with Creepy, it was a black-and-white horror anthology comic book in the 60’s and 70’s featuring nasty little stories with a twist in the Tales from the Crypt vein. Dark Horse has collected many of the originals in big, beautiful, and pricey hardcover editions (they should run you about 50 bucks a pop). But even more exciting and, more importantly, affordable, they’ve brought back Creepy as a new comic book drawn and written by all kinds of talented people. It’s in black and white and features nasty little stories with a twist. And it is excellent.

If trade paperbacks are more your style, the Marvel Essentials series has lots of great stuff to choose from. I’m currently working my way through Essential Man-Thing, which features a shambling swamp creature and completely nutty (but in a good way) writing that features lots of trans-dimensional demon fighting and nearly endless repetition of the sentence “Whatever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing’s touch!” (There are collections of all Marvel’s horror comics from the 70’s, so if werewolves or vampires are more your style, you can get those too.)

Finally, if you are not yet reading The Walking Dead, go buy volume 1 right now. It’s a familiar story of survivors after a zombie apocalypse, but it’s got much more emotional realism and power than pretty much anything else set in this universe. It’s an incredible tour de force full of characters who feel like real people, and, as in all the best zombie stories, the real horror is in the way the survivors interact with each other. Well, that and the awesome zombie killing.

That’s it for me. Back to your regularly scheduled blog entries as soon as finals are over. If you enjoy my smartass, irreverent take on horror, please consider buying my book, The Mall of Cthulhu.

Surprise, surprise

The Wolfman trailer debuted yesterday and took the horror community by storm. As I said on my twitter page it pretty much raped me. I was so intensely watching it I jumped. Twice. Not something I do often anymore.

I could give two shits about the CGI transformation to be honest. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever be in favor of CGI in a horror film. Probably because I wasn't watching it to rip it apart, I watched it out of curiosity.  Not too long ago I verbally stated that I refuse to see it, but now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe all the set backs were worth it, and they saved the movie.

The whole point of this post was to state that someone is writing a guest post. I have no idea who, or what about, but I'm lazy, next week is finals I'm about to fail a class, and I have a portfolio presentation. So next week it too stressful to think about posts, and plus my best friend is saving me tomorrow and taking me to the AI tour so I can make fun of Adam Gaybert. 

Awwwe Sheeeeeet

Sunday I moved into a new dorm. In the new dorm I have no internet. I'm currently working on that. I should have internet shortly if my mother doesn't go bat shit crazy again.

So that means a huge shortage of posts. BUT I'm in the works of trying to convince a friend too write something up for me, so hopefully that'll get done soon. 

When I get back online there will be PLENTY of posts....hopfully.

True Blood...?

Why does it seem like I'm the only one NOT on this True Blood bandwagon?

Oh... that's because I pretty much AM the only one not on it.

Reasons:

1) I don't have a tv. not having a tv means not having cable.

2)Even if I HAD cable, I wouldn't have HBO anyways. College kids don't have money. Period. Any money I do have is going towards this. Since my batshit crazy mother thinks if I go to New York alone I'm going to get raped a murdered. Seriously.

3) I read the books they were based off of. Need I say more?

But I ask this question. If I have HBO at home, and I go home often, why don't I watch at home, borrow the first season from someone... and so on.

Sometimes I amaze myself.

If you've ever wondered how awesome I REALLY am, go visit the lovely BJ-C at DotW and check out this post she did featuring a disgusting video of crazy twatlighters I randomly came across today. ;)

Say wha?

What the hell is this?

Say what? Of course you can't hold any sort of hope for anything written by Entertainment Weekly... Vampire list anyone?

The fact that Hostel 2 was on it in the first place killed me, that was probably the worst sequel to a movie I've ever seen. Speaking of sequels Alien 3? 28 WEEKS later?

oh oh oh DARKMAN? Mr. Raimi I love you, but I do not love Darkman.

Congrats for The Descent, and Shaun of the Dead, [even though I haven't watched you. I refuse too. Not the point] for making it onto the list. Also, including Ringu and NOT it's american counterpart. I'm proud of them.

The newest movie on their list is of course the ever-so-wonderful Drag Me to Hell which my friends and I enjoyed very much. I'd like to say it's the movie that kicked off a good string of horror movies. [excluding The Collector].

The number 1 was an Asian horror film. Sorry but my foreign film knowledge doesn't stream that far over, and honestly I've never heard of it, not even from the grapevine. Which is interesting.

I think they throw a bunch of idiots in a room and tell them to make a list. Throw myself, a horror virgin, a raccoon, a monkey in a room together with a case of beer, and we could come up with a better list.

Ridiculous.